Month: November 2019

 

It’s pretty general that when we (women) try to attract the opposite sex, we find it very easy and overwhelming. Is that because we were born seducers? Not really. Capturing a man’s heart is essential in creating a strong relationship and women somehow understand the reasons why men fall for them. Here are the mapping stages of how men start to feel something for you.

They Get Physically Attracted – It’s evident that most men rely on their visual representation. They initially fall for a woman due to physical attraction. However, that doesn’t mean that every woman should have to be entirely physically attractive because in most cases, men’s visible affection can come from their physical preferences as they sometimes set their standards. Therefore, physical attraction varies in a lot of forms. “Attractiveness is something more complex,” according to psychiatrist Fredric Neuman M.D.

It’s Also About Chemistry – You might think that men are all about looks, but they honestly look for a woman that knows how to handle a conversation. Having things that both of you share an interest in is an excellent source of foundation when starting a connection. However, it’s not necessary that both of you need to have the same interest and hobbies because opposites do attract. The chemistry between the two of you matters because it will sustain your emotional and psychological needs while giving both of you an advancement of personally learning about each other.

Attitude Matters – Aside from physical attraction and chemistry, men look forward to having a woman with a positive attitude. It doesn’t mean that you have to create a personality that matches his preference. All you need to do is be yourself and embrace every imperfection that you have in a way that he sees it as something special about you. You don’t need to be perfect; you just have to be you.

Developing Trust – When men try to get physically and emotionally involved with a woman, the first thing that they try to establish is trust. It is something that they want to secure in the process of getting to know someone. When a man starts to trust you, he eventually tries to go deep into your thoughts and emotions so he can process a way for you to trust him in return.

According to Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D., “Specifically, some behaviors communicate and built trust and rapport better, whereas others are more suited for building attraction. While a healthy mix of both are necessary for keeping a relationship running smoothly, knowing which signal you are sending with a specific behavior is important as well.”

Long-Term Compatibility – A long-term compatibility matters in a relationship when both of you share the same values and goals in life. It’s like having someone that knows how to handle your psychological and emotional state when it comes to potential decision making. When a man sees that both of you can create a future together, there’s no doubt that he has already formed a strong emotional attraction towards you. “If they don’t mention you as being part of their life years down the road, they may not be as fully invested in the relationship as you would like,” said Connie Omari PhD, LPC, NCC.

 

The Comfort Stage – It is a phase where a man feels comfortable with you. It’s like he knows your emotional status, physical insecurities, behavioral problems, and psychological issues, and yet decided to stick with you because he knows you are more than those negative traits. He sees you as something essential for his overall development that’s why he values you more than anything.

Men are not all about sweet talks and sex; there’s something about them that we need to unlock for us to understand that they somehow feel the same way we do when we fall for them.

In every relationship, there’s always a time that we feel like we want to choke our boyfriend to death because of the annoying things he does. However, it seems impossible because we know that they sometimes don’t do it intentionally, or worse, they are not aware of doing it. So what are those kinds of stuff that could annoy us? Check out these things our boyfriend probably always does.

Messaging Takes Forever – “Texting is used early and often in dating relationships, and while it might be easier, it does have downsides”, according to social psychologist Theresa E DiDonato Ph.D. Considering the situation, his excuse could be valid when he’s busy doing significant things. However, most of us require instant replies on messages. It annoys us when we have to wait for a couple of minutes to be able to get the response we need. In worst cases, we don’t get replies at all. Admit it, we always want a prompt answer, and if we don’t get it, it causes a lot of drama.

Phone Matters – “Smartphones have made it far easier for us to stay in touch with relationship partners, even when we are geographically distant,” said Martin Graff Ph.D. I get it. There’s a lot of stuff on his phone that he probably considers important rather than spending time with his girlfriend. However, it happens to become annoying when it seems like it’s taking all of his time. Then we suddenly create these crazy ideas in our head that will soon start an argument.

Not Complementing – Women are born attention seekers. We always love to hear good stuff from our boyfriends, and it sometimes frustrates us when we try too hard to put an effort into something, but we don’t get a compliment. Seriously, all we want is for our boyfriend’s say that we look pretty today or we did great. They don’t have to do it all the time but say it as they mean it.

Bringing Up The Ex – There’s nothing more annoying than hearing about his ex in every conversation. It’s like telling us that we’re not good enough to be in the relationship. It would feel like we are not entitled to be in a new relationship because all he does is compare and contrast everything with his ex. Men probably don’t want to create a conflict, but a woman is so sensitive on this matter.

Doesn’t Pay Attention – Please, the only thing that we want from our boyfriends is their full attention. When we try to say something, all we ask is for our man to listen and respond accordingly. They shouldn’t just sit there nodding while we currently have an emotional crisis. They have to be physically and emotionally present at all times.

Forgetting Dates (Anniversary) – Yep, most women would probably go ballistic when their boyfriends forget their anniversary. It will feel like they’re not giving it importance. It annoys us because we tend to spend sleepless nights thinking about it not knowing that our men skip prioritizing that special occasion. It sucks!

I’m not generalizing all the women out there, but I know I perfectly created a valid argument when it comes to the top annoying things on the list. Again, these pieces of stuff shouldn’t have to become a reason for a breakup. You can always talk about it and work things out. As what psychologist Sherod Miller, Ph.D. said, “Couples need to learn a way to stay engaged—not withdraw or attack.”

We probably have our preference when it comes to the kind of connection we want with our significant other. As for me, I have determined factors that need to be present in my relationship so it can help me develop healthy wellbeing. According to Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D., “By evaluating relationship choices on these emotional and practical levels, it is possible to make some sense out of seemingly confusing and contradictory romantic behaviors.” It’s not like I would demand things, but if ever I am given a chance to have a better connection, I would instead consider the important ones that add an impact on a healthy perspective.

1. Communication – Expressing ourselves is one way that could boost our self-confidence, and as such, we need communication for things to work out. A simple yes or no won’t add value to a conversation. It needs to have a sensible flow of discussion. The willingness to communicate can mean a lot, especially regarding contrasting ideas and opinions. According to psychologists Barry L. Duncan, Psy. D. and Joseph W. Rock, Psy.D., “As relationships endure, communication sequences form patterns over time, and it is the patterning over time that is the essence of a couple system.”
2. Security – As I get emotionally weak and helpless, I only want someone to hug me and tell me that things will be okay. I don’t require tons of promises to be able to get through the day; I only need a person that will take care of me at times when I can’t handle myself. I want that extra support I can get to accompany me through the moments of stress.

3. Show Interest – Showing some interest doesn’t mean you have to like everything I like and hate the things I don’t want. All of us need someone who is willing enough to value our worries, hopes, and desires. It will somehow strengthen the relationship when both of us can show interest in each other by paying attention to the perplexity of things.
4. Availability – I’m not saying that I require attention 24/7. I only need someone to be there for me when I need them most. It’s like keeping the sense of responsibility as a loving partner that knows and sees you as an essential part of their lives. They solely have to be there in good and bad times.
5. Honesty – The more I prefer to be in a relationship, I would want it to be filled with honesty. It doesn’t matter if things could be hurtful sometimes, as long as everything about it is true. No one requires a relationship full of lies, and therefore it is safe to say that the act of honesty will somehow help us in creating a better understanding of our relationship.
6. Effort – Every substantial relationship doesn’t happen overnight because it has a lot of struggles. An attempt at keeping things together and progressively working on differences can help build a strong bond over time. Even if it’s a small effort, it doesn’t matter as long as it is valued and appreciated as a whole.
7. Affection – Every person who is in a relationship needs affection. The particular value of expressing love without asking something in return is honestly one of the things that need to be present in a commitment. It can be demonstrated by any physical contact that somehow feels different in a lot of ways.
8. Respect – One priceless thing that completes a relationship is respect. It helps in the cultivation of an individual’s personality because it holds a cultural value in making improvements in a relationship and in life as well. It gives you a sense of purpose in knowing your limits and capabilities during crucial situations. Respect always gives you a significant chance to stay focused and be the kind of person that you are.

We need to understand that a commitment is not about chocolates and flowers. Handling a relationship is critical and requires much more significant importance because it will help us determine our self-worth as well as our capabilities in giving and acquiring love. John Gottman, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle, says “his studies show that couples whose relationships remain happy and stable know how to successfully repair problems.”